My Story

So it’s been a ridonkulously long time since the last post. Hopefully someone actually reads this one!

This post is actually the first part of a two-part introduction to a multi-part series (confused? =D). In the series, we’re going to examine Psalm 73 and hopefully discover that it speaks just as powerfully today as it did when it was written so many years ago. If you don’t believe in this whole Bible thing, or if you’d rather have me blog about random junk that happened in my day, I’d encourage you to keep reading. There’s some stuff in this Psalm that you really don’t want to miss (plus you don’t want to stop procrastinating on studying, do you? =D). But before we dive into it, I’d like to take this moment to tell you my story.

Have you ever heard someone talk about their “relationship with God”, or their “walk with Christ”, or something of that nature? Or have you heard people say, “God’s in control, it’s going to be ok”, or “Jesus is my best friend!”? Well, to be perfectly honest, not too long ago, I always thought those phrases were hogwash. They made me uncomfortable and sometimes even hostile! Let me explain.

The following sentences may seem like bragging, but they have a purpose, so please bear with me. I’ve always done well in school. I’ve always had nearly the highest grades in my classes, and I’ve hardly struggled with understanding subject matter.

As I grew up excelling in academics, my family attended a traditional church for as long as I can remember. We faithfully attended church every Sunday. Probably like many of you, when I woke up on Sunday mornings, I always hoped there was a way we didn’t have to go to church. Sleeping was always a better option than going to be bored every week! Yeah, I had a few friends in Sunday School, but I think shared boredom was the depth of our friendship.

Anyways, much to my disappointment (and my dad’s yelling!), I usually ended up at church Sunday mornings. Like my academic classes, I did well with answering the Sunday School and Confirmation teachers’ questions. Since I attended church each Sunday and could regurgitate answers about God, Jesus, and other churchy things, I “made the grade”. As far as I could tell, I could appease my parents and other church folk, and then go on my merry way the rest of the week. For me, God was confined to church and Sunday morning (I guess you could throw a few holidays in there too). Just like math or science, He was an abstract concept.

Well, it only deteriorated from there. By middle school, this whole being smart thing was pretty sweet. I could figure most things out on my own. So, at some point, I examined my situation.

• Church is really boring
• Why do all these people go to church anyway? None of them seem happy. They seem to do it out of obligation
• Hmmmm, maybe they're just not smart.
• Yup, they just made God up to explain the unexplainable
• God doesn't exist!

So, I became an atheist. This lasted for a few years, but it was strange because I didn’t tell that many people. I think I was scared of what they would say.

Unfortunately, these middle school years were probably my worst. At some point, I discovered that you could make people laugh by making fun of people. Since I was a geek and in band, this was an enjoyable way to get attention. So, (as some of you may remember) by 8th grade I became known for making a few people’s lives miserable. I was a jerk. Period. On top of this, up until this point I had always done well at everything I did (except sports…which is probably why I quit). So, whenever something didn’t go my way, I would throw a tantrum. If people criticized me, I would snap back in defense. My temper was horrible. I probably should have seen a counselor.

Then high school rolled around. I was still an atheist, but since high school was a new environment, I did what I always do in new environments: become shy and quiet. This lasted for a little while, but since I was in band, I met a few people that I’m still friends with today. It turns out that a lot of these people were Christians, so I quickly had to evaluate how I would swing this whole atheist thing. I decided to be as non-confrontational as possible and pretend that I believed in God. These people were pretty cool, so I would sit through youth group and things like that so I could hang out with them.

Meanwhile, I continued to excel in school. This smart thing had gone on for quite a while, so it became more than pretty sweet. It really got to my head. I had tons of pride and arrogance (and I still struggle with this today!). I would ridicule people in class that didn’t understand things. I would look around at my classmates and honestly say to myself, “Ha, I’m smarter than them”. This calmed down as I got older and into college, but I always considered myself better than the people around me because of my mind. Pretty horrendous, eh? I hope you guys will forgive me.

So, high school was a weird mix of arrogance and pseudo-belief in God. When I would hear my Christian friends say phrases like “relationship with God”, or “walk with Christ”, I would scoff inside. I would think, “These are just things Christians say to each other. It’s just a crutch.” I couldn’t stand when people talked about God like they knew Him. People would sing songs talking about how God is their happiness, how Jesus died for them, and how they’re so committed to this guy named Jesus. I thought it was all garbage.

To be continued…